just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
