oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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