i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i think i have two assholes
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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