The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
