Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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