yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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