I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
