Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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