what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
