My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
