She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
