Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
