Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
