So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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