That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
