You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She bit a glass in half.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize