I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So much rum. So many feels.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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