last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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