the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
