had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
