I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
