I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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