If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
