and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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