The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
