She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
