i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
COCAINE IS GR8
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
