Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
