i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
