Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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