I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
