i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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