I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
