non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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