so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
