i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How does one acquire holy water?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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