Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
