We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
