it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She has the best kind of daddy issues
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
