I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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