Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
