you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
