i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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