I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
