She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
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