I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
