**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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