so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Panties = found
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
