I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
