I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
