I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize