Someone shit on the floor
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
