My nipple is on Facebook.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
