i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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