She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
