i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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