i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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