Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
