She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
