i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
