I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
