So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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