He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize