You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
