oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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