Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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