I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
