you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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