meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
