i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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