I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
