You don't have asthma, your pregnant
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
