God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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