I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
