Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
